I used to think compromising meant being the better person and making the world a friendlier place to live. How could such a selfless act not be an exemplar of benevolence? But giving in was ruining my life; trying to make other’s happy all the time was draining my energy; being the one to save face was degrading my value as a person.
We compromise not because we believe it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s easy. It takes little effort to pay full price while bargaining requires some doing. We believe we’re compromising, but we aren’t getting anything in return. A compromise is when you give something to get something, if you aren’t rewarded for your troubles then you have merely lost the negotiation.
I will compromise if the outcome is a better deal, but I refuse to be anyone’s Chamberlain, and I’ve never been happier in my life.
Life Is Not A Compromise
People on their deathbed rarely remain wistful of all the times they didn’t appease others. It is in their final moments that they reconcile with the idea that life is final. This is not rehearsal for how things are going to be, but rather this is the final act. We have finite time and energy to spend on activities in life. If we spend these resources on others and tasks we don’t want to do, we are wasting it.
I’ve come to realize that what makes others happy is merely a bonus. If other people are happy from my doing, it’s supplemental to the consequence of achieving what I set out to do— be it start my own business or writing an article like this one. I live for myself and focus on what fulfills my ideal of life, and it’s a healthy person that is able to see that other people can have their own expectations from us and the world, but that we don’t have to meet them.
Happiness Comes In Different Forms
I used to think it made me happy to make others happy, but that’s not quite true. Yes, seeing others happy brings me some elation, but if I had to give up something to get there— be it time or money, the act is deluded.
The only person I know how to make happy is myself. I love creating, communicating my ideas to others, and experiencing the microcosms of life. Other’s happiness from these ideals is not a goal but a side effect.
I used to be quite a naive person who would try to see the good in other people, even if they appeared to lack a modicum of it. I’m sure there is good in others, but even seemingly good people can misuse your good nature to get what they want. Though I’m not bitter about this deceit; I’m actually grateful. People who have taken me for a ride have opened my eyes to what I really want to do with my life.
No one can make you happy but yourself, and this goes for others as well.
No longer do you need to focus on the happiness of your parents, your partner, or strangers. If they truly cared, they would be happy that you were happy. Happiness is not a goal, but an emotion that comes from achieving something, no matter how small.
Happiness is fleeting and fickle, but it’s all over the place. You can make someone’s day just by wearing a conspicuous pair of shoes. Happiness is simple when applied to the emotion that comes from something small, but complex and obtuse when the source of it comes from life goals and ideals.
If we only worry about the happiness of others, then there is little time to worry about the happiness we can control, our own.